Be Grateful for Green

First of all, do not do a Google image search of suicide. There are some depressing stuff there. On an unrelated note, do me a favor and do not google "fistula" or "waffle".

Runyon has wanted to kill himself many, many times.
In the past, he had cut himself constantly, fantasized about blowing the house up, learned how to tie knots to potentially hang himself, and wrote his will while he was alone in his room. Now that he had actually attempted to fry himself in a manner not unsimilar to jumping into a explosive fire in a Michael Bay film, he regrets ever having thought of killing himself at all. As readers, we can very clearly see this change in the way he talks. In fact, his 'recovery' can be seen in his change of favorite color, which went from black (which he liked because it "reminded him of death") to... well, some other color. Green maybe. Something that is less death and more life. All in all, it's pretty realistic and vivid.

Speaking of realistic and vivid, on the last post, I mentioned that Runyon narrates the story as he felt it as a 14 year-old. Thanks to my English teacher, my reclarification was reclarified, and it can be summarized as the following: the story is narrated in present tense.
Well, that was simple, wasn't it. Turns out I didn't even need that one big paragraph last time.

Back to the book. It's very interesting. It's got everything: tragedy in the form of a burnt kid, comedy in the form of fifteen second farts, and happiness in its purest form in the form of ice cream and attractive nurses. Anyways, I felt happy or sad corresponding to Brent's feelings throughout the book. When he cried with his parents, I was moved; when he watched movies and ate a ginormous amount of ice cream with Tina (a nurse), I was happy; when he farted, I felt relieved. This variety of emotions mixed into the text made me wonder what the tone of the book might be. Is it wrathful? Probably not. If anything, it's a positive emotion. Uhh... romantic? He is thinking more about girls lately, but that's definitely not it. Perhaps optimistic? Appreciative? That sounds sort of right. He appreciates life a bit more now. I think. Right?

Well, I'm not putting this book down any time soon. I'm really eager to read the rest, since the guy in the photo of the back cover of the book looks normal and fully healed. Physically, at least.

Thank you, modern science.

He's On Fire

"Hey, there's this memoir about this kid that douses himself in gasoline and lights himself on fire. Yeah. You should read that."
Those were the words of a certain man.

I must admit, the idea of the book seemed pretty hot, and I personally deemed it more interesting than the story of a Colombian journalist. Just personal opinion.
No need to stone me.

So anyways, this is a memoir. It's actually pretty interesting in terms of its tone and point of view. Unlike Half a Life by Darin Strauss and St. Augustine's Confessions, this is narrated in the perspective of the author at the time. To clarify, it's like as if we're living the guy's life along with him. To reclarify, here's an example: if Brent (the narrator) was telling about his times as a 14 year-old, he actually sounds like a troubled emo adolescent dude-guy who still thinks any situation involving "YOLO" is a great idea. (I'm going to spoil it for you: It's NOT a good idea.)

To exemplify the previous reclarification, we can see some specialized language in the form of "cool kids", "that sucks", and of course, "Catherine's tits".
Oh no, I just said something that is generally not socially acceptable to say in public. Frankly, I don't think it matters too much this time due to the constant swearing and the occasional f-bombs dropped in the book anyways.

"I'm going to set myself on fire," he says. Then he promptly goes on to light himself on fire. Compared to the rest of the book, this crucial moment is actually only a few lines long. Then it's over. In a way, it will never be over. Pretty much the same thing if you don't think about it for too long. Anyways, this made me think: 'Did he purge himself of his past, or did he make it worse?'

The language used, along with the vivid descriptions of the mind provided by Brent himself, helps make him more relatable with myself, allowing readers to connect with him.
I just thought that was beautiful.

Blue Acceptance

St.Augustine's Confessions

Ta-daah!
I don't know what that was for.
Here are some vocab words I didn't really know:




That might have been a tid bit too small. The next size was way too big though. Please understand.

...and here are a series emotions and changes that somewhat describe the guy's state as the text goes on:

1: Wondering, lost, confused

2: Admiration

3: Decisive

4: Shame, sinfulness, lust, confused

5: Self-reflection

6: Inspired, understanding

7: Acceptance

...aaaand here's some triangles. It's blue for the pleasure of your eyes.

Congratulations. You made it through the plethora of pictures, words, and triangles. Apologize to your mouse and/or scroll bar for me.

Welcome to the Lie

Spoilers!
It's all a lie. Everything. Even this delicious and moist cake.

Ha. No cake for you.
In fact, even if the cake existed, it wouldn't want you to dig into its many layers of chocolate, cream, and general mishmash.
Let's think about this positively: since the cake is a lie, you won't be gaining weight, and more importantly, the cake's feelings won't be hurt.

Bam.

Win-win situation.

Well, have fun daydreaming about cakes.
Enjoy your time here, visitor.